Re: UKNM: Speak of the devil

[Jansen van Dok]

[Sam says: please no more of these for a while, I think we can do without

helping propogate any more urban myths. Well until the next Darwin awards]


I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's (sent

To me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people, celebrating the

fact

that the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend

whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a

rat in his  bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since as

everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which

is why the government made them change their name to KFC).


Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep, and when he awoke he was in his

bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out

of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his

mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use his phone because it

was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that

would destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the

crew!".


He knew it wasn't hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was

working on software to prevent a global disaster in which all the computers

get together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under

the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all last week in a mass

e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney

World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know).


The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing

kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90, which

unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's

expense.


Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected

needle around which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world of

AIDS."


Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital -- the one where that

little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for

everyone in the world to send him an e-mail, and the American Cancer Society

has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives.


I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the

shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more than 10 people, you

will have good luck but for 10 people only you will only have OK luck and if

you send it to fewer than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).


So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the

way he noticed another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he

flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang

initiation.


Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk mail and you will

receive 4 green M&Ms -- if you don't, the owner of Proctor and Gamble will

report you to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck: you will

get sick from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo, your spouse/mate

will develop a skin rash from using the antiperspirant which clogs the pores

under your arms, and the U.S.government will put a tax on your e-mails

forever.


I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------

> Do they really believe this stuff?

>

> My TOP 5 Spam statements of all time:

>

> 5 - * Saving rainforests through emarketing *

> 4 - Note: This is not bulk or 'spam' e-mail. (In other words, "your

address

> has been hand-picked to receive this unsolicited email"... it's still

spam,

> baby.)

> 3 - Please don't complain to (mailserver) as the account will be shut down

> and we will not be able to honour 'unsubscribe' requests.

> 2 - Hey, I just found this! (Insert link their own site...)

>

> And my long time personal favourite:

> 1 - Get Paid for Surfing the Web!

>

> Tim Ireland

> www.designercity.com

> www.another.com

> www.buymybook.co.uk



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 the UK's totally managed affiliate marketing solution.

 ukaffiliates.com >> the net.working

 http://www.ukaffiliates.com /

salesukaffiliates [dot] com (mailto:salesukaffiliates [dot] com)

 telephone: 020 7691 1880 / fax: 020 7691 1881

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  To unsubscribe or change your list settings go to

http://www.chinwag.com/uk-netmarketing or

helpchinwag [dot] com